


You're My First Love

by HQ_Wingster



Series: Legends of The Blue Sea [4]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Character's Name Spelled as Viktor, Declarations Of Love, Developing Relationship, Emotional, Emotions, Feelings Realization, First Love, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Light Angst, Living Together, Multi, One Shot, Realization, Short & Sweet, Slow Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-05
Updated: 2018-01-05
Packaged: 2019-02-28 12:12:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,514
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13271211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HQ_Wingster/pseuds/HQ_Wingster
Summary: Viktor always had a special place in Yuuri's heart, but he didn't know if he could call the feeling 'love'. After hearing the advice and observations from his friends, Takeshi and Yuuko, Yuuri reflected back on his life.He never once said, "Viktor, I love you."





	You're My First Love

**Author's Note:**

> This is pretty much a stand-a-lone in the mer!series. If you're not familiar with the mer!series, you're not missing anything. Really. This was just a cute oneshot I wanted to write, and I chose to do it for my mer!AU.
> 
> For those who are keeping up the with mer!series, this fic is kind of a spoiler. Because later on in Mer!Ficlet, Viktor gets to live with Yuuri at his apartment space. That's something to look forward to in a few more chapters.

7 p.m. was when Yuuri usually got off from work.

After spending an entire day with the seals and making sure that their pups were healthy, Yuuri slid his gloves off as he entered the locker room. Takeshi was already there, wiggling into his sweatpants and getting ready to go out on a evening jog. Probably going by the boardwalk to buy a dinner box for Yuuko because she had to stay behind. The work of a vet didn’t end at normal times, not when there were sickly patients and congested animals lying across a tray for examination. So, buying Yuuko dinner was one of the few ways Takeshi expressed, _“I love you.”_

Ever since they were married and even while they were dating, Yuuri had never heard his friends say the phrase. A few times, Yuuko would joke and tell Yuuri that Takeshi was still shy about saying it. A few times with a bottle of beer, Takeshi would exclaim the phrase for all to hear. But at the time, Yuuko wasn’t be there and it was just Yuuri and Takeshi with hotpot in front of them. And when Yuuko was there, Takeshi couldn’t bring himself to say it. Even when they had three beautiful kids, Yuuri never heard _“I love you”_ from Yuuko or Takeshi. They never said it to each other, but they used similar phrases when speaking to Axel, Lutz, and Loop.

Axel was a treasure, Lutz was a precious gem, and Loop was a twinkling star. Yuuko loved gathering her daughters into her arms. Holding them so tenderly and in sweet silence brought a smile to her face after a long day. Takeshi liked carrying his daughters, parading around with them hanging off his shoulders and arms. They were his princesses, he was the big dragon, and Yuuko was the chivalrous knight.

The only reason why Yuuri knew any of this was because Takeshi never failed to tell him about it, every morning when they changed into their uniforms for work. And now, with wonder lost in his eyes, Takeshi slipped into his hoodie and wished Yuuri a good evening. A hum resonating in his throat when Takeshi thought about the dinner box he was going to buy for Yuuko.

Takeshi barely moved from where he was before Yuuri asked, “How did you know that Yuuko was the one for you?”

Takeshi turned around slowly, eyebrow raised. In all their years of friendship, Yuuri had never asked about this. He went with the flow when he saw Yuuko and Takeshi hold hands for the first time and didn’t question it. Now, almost a decade later, Yuuri was finally curious. No, curious wasn’t the right word. Takeshi wasn’t sure what word was appropriate, but he was stalling for time because Yuuri’s question caught him off-guard.

“Yuuko’s not a one. She’s a ten out of ten.” Takeshi laughed at his own pun or joke, or whatever word was more appropriate. Again, he was stalling for time as Yuuri slipped into a t-shirt. Yuuri watched Takeshi carefully, noticing how his body twisted and turned in anticipation. Perhaps Yuuri’s earlier question was a bit straightforward, so Yuuri reworded it.

“How did you know that you wanted to spend your life with her?”

 _Like that’s any better than before,_ Takeshi wanted to say.

Even worse, this question was more straightforward than the last one, and Takeshi’s mind went blank. How could he describe the concoction of emotions and sleepless nights that used to plague him before he was brave enough to hold Yuuko’s hand? Would Yuuri understand him, or would he assume that because Takeshi was in puberty at the time, all of those feelings were the side-effect from hormones? Takeshi reminded himself to breathe.

“Uh...well, you see…” His voice faded. His palms were slick with sweat. He stared at Yuuri for quite some time before asking, “Wait, are you asking me for advice?”

If Takeshi blindly threw a dart across a room, he struck the center of the dart-pad like it was nothing. Yuuri’s eyes darted to a random corner in the locker room. He was thankful that his bangs made it difficult for Takeshi to notice that. “No, I’m just curious.”

Takeshi raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

He shuffled closer to Yuuri, a sway in his hips as he moved because he caught on to Yuuri’s little secret. Yuuri paid no attention to him, already slipping into his jacket and closing his locker with a swift kick.

“Are you dating someone?” The question tickled Yuuri’s ear. He grabbed his satchel and checked the time on his phone, ignoring the laughter behind him. Takeshi meant no harm, but the back of Yuuri’s neck was red as a beet. It was kind of endearing and funny how Yuuri tried to play it off, and he knew that Takeshi was just teasing him. “Or is it, you want to marry someone?”

Yuuri didn’t know how this happened. One moment, he was walking past Takeshi to head out of the locker room. The next moment, he was flying in the air before Takeshi caught him with one arm. As if Yuuri was a damsel in distress, he looked up and Takeshi was about five inches away from his face. Just looking at Yuuri, making sure that there weren’t stars flying around in his eyes.

Up close like this, Takeshi could see the truth behind Yuuri’s glasses. “I think you’re agreeing to me.”

Yuuri poked Takeshi’s cheek. “I think you can let me go now.” Yuuri kept poking until Takeshi released him, and Yuuri fumbled back to his feet. Just before he left the locker room, he told Takeshi that the past five minutes didn’t happen. “Remember, I didn’t ask for advice.”

A crook of a grin appeared over Takeshi’s lips. “Believe what you want, Yuuri. But if you do want to know…” Yuuri turned his back slightly, just enough to that Takeshi knew that he was still listening. “I realized how much Yuuko meant to me when I couldn’t imagine my life without her.”

That statement, those words, were probably the closest _‘I love you’_ Takeshi had ever said in his life. Even more so, those were his own words about Yuuko. Not a cheap phrase that was thrown around for kicks, but Takeshi’s message came from the bottom of his heart.

“I’m not sure if that’s the answer you’re looking for, but it’s the best answer I can give,” Takeshi said.  He gave Yuuri a good pat on the back before he walked out from the locker room.

Yuuri stood where he was, reflecting back on the past five minutes before he could move again. He heard his heartbeats against his ear when he waved goodbye to Yuuko when he found her in the break room.

Though she was tired and at the end of her strength, Yuuko wore a bright smile. Probably aided by the can of coffee in her hands, courtesy of Takeshi when he found Yuuko crawling on the floor a few minutes ago. Yuuko brought the coffee to her lips, her eyes followed Yuuri when he tried to pass by.

“I’m really happy for you, Yuuri.” Yuuko took a sip from her can. “You have someone waiting for you at the apartment.”

“Oh, Viktor?” When Yuuko nodded, a tinge of pink crawled up Yuuri’s neck. It felt like Takeshi and Yuuko were trying to tell him something. Or rather, they were helping Yuuri admit a truth to himself. Yuuri rubbed his sneakers together, flickering his attention from Yuuko, to the floor, and then back to Yuuko. “It’s nice.”

“How does it feel to know that he’s waiting for you right now?” Unlike Takeshi and his dramatics back in the locker room, Yuuko asked her questions sincerely. She was polite, waiting for Yuuri to answer if he chose to. And for some reason, Yuuri did answer.

“I feel warm.” That was all Yuuri could say before his tongue flubbed. It was as if part of Yuuri didn’t want him to complete the train of thought. Yuuko sensed that from where she was, judging by how wobbly Yuuri’s knees got when he replied. “Am I supposed to feel something else?”

Yuuko shrugged. “You always see Viktor in the morning, so I thought you’d be happy to see him at night as well. Start the day together, end it together. That feeling.”

Whether Yuuko had more to say or not, she wished Yuuri a goodnight before shuffling back into the medical room where her patients were waiting for her. Yuuri steadied his thumping heart before moving.

Takeshi and Yuuko’s words spun around in his mind as he walked home. Along the way, Yuuri saw the ocean and found the exact spot where he first met Viktor. It was too dark to see but sometimes when the clouds passed by, the moonlight would shine over a distant spot where the rocks stuck up like pillars.

  


When Yuuri was younger, he met Viktor there. When Viktor-- _at the time, he was a mer--_ was stuck under a weighted net, and Yuuri tried to save him. He got caught, he got dragged, and Yuuri was scarred for years and couldn’t dare to see Hasetsu Beach nor the ocean the same way again. Until he met Viktor as an adult and slowly conquered his fears through little things. Mostly, Yuuri tried to conquer his fear of Viktor.

When Yuuri was young, Viktor resembled the Devil’s ghost. Glowing eyes, a powerful tail that easily bruised Yuuri’s legs when he was yanked into the water, and a touch that haunted Yuuri for weeks when he laid in bed, curled under his blanket. At that age, Viktor was like a spectre and Yuuri was cursed.

  


Now, at the age of twenty-four and having known Viktor for almost a year, Yuuri wasn’t that scared anymore. Sure, sometimes he felt uneasy. Sometimes Yuuri wondered what drew him to the same spot on Hasetsu Beach, day after day, to talk to a mer that had almost killed him when he was a child. As the year progressed and as Yuuri grew closer to Viktor, he wasn’t sure what to call this emotion in his chest. Yuuri knew it wasn’t fear anymore, but could he call it love?

When Yuuri approached his apartment complex, he saw that the lights were on. There was a shadow behind the window curtain, and the outline belonged to Viktor. Was Viktor waiting beside the window the whole time? Fifteen minutes? An hour? Ever since Yuuri left to go work? Speaking of work, Yuuri remembered that Viktor drew a chair close to the window. Just before Yuuri left, Viktor was sitting there. Arms opened wide to give him a hug.

Yuuri remembered the hug, and how Viktor held him close. How Viktor nuzzled his cheek against Yuuri’s neck, and how he heard Yuuri’s heartbeats. Yuuri, at the time, wasn’t sure of where to put his arms. For family, Yuuri would place his arms around the middle. But with Viktor, he wasn’t so sure. His arms ended up being stuck to his side.

“Have a good day.” It was a phrase that Viktor was learning to say. The words came out clunky and disjointed to Yuuri’s ears, but Yuuri knew that Viktor was trying his best. Viktor said the phrase a few more times until it came out seamlessly. The hug ended there, and Viktor looked up to Yuuri for a reaction. Yuuri cracked a smile and that was about it.

It felt strange to have Viktor in his apartment, but this was a way for him to learn how to be independent. How to live on his own before having to say “goodbye” when the time comes.

  


Yuuri didn’t want to say “goodbye.”

Yuuri wanted to hold Viktor’s hand. He wanted to touch Viktor’s scars and help them heal. Yuuri wanted to hold Viktor when the memories of the past became too much for Viktor to handle. He wanted to hold Viktor in his arms, just like how Viktor would do the same for Yuuri when they shared the same futon at night. Sure, it was strange at first, but Yuuri cherished those moments because he wasn’t alone.

Yuuri wanted to eat with Viktor. Whether it was cup noodles or something a little special on the weekends. He wanted to share food with Viktor. He wanted to share his moments with Viktor, where they could drop their guards and treat each other something that the either didn’t expect.

Like a few nights ago when Yuuri came home late from work, Viktor boiled water and prepared cup noodles just as Yuuri unlocked the front door. While they ate, Viktor got a forkful of noodles and held it out for Yuuri to eat because he struggled to pick up a strand with his chopsticks. Viktor dabbed his napkin next to Yuuri’s lips when broth came up and stained the spot. Viktor watched Yuuri with the softest expression on his face, his knees pressed together because he was sharing a meal with someone.

Yuuri wanted to be there for Viktor. Whether it was helping Viktor clean himself while another episode of _Backstreet Crime Watch_ was on the water-poof tablet. Whether it was keeping a towel nearby when Viktor splashed around when he got too excited. Whether it was Yuuri sharing his clothes with Viktor, and Viktor had to wear his sweaters because they were the only things big enough for him. Whether it was going out to town and shopping for things that Viktor needed and watching the sparkle in his eye when he saw the town lights and all the colors.

Yuuri wanted to be there for Viktor, especially when Viktor had to walk. Viktor was self-conscious whenever he stood. He didn’t want others to know that he was different. He often wouldn’t walk when Yuuri was in the same room, but Yuuri stayed and helped Viktor stand. When Viktor slipped, Yuuri was there to catch Viktor before he fell.

Viktor didn’t like his legs, but they were growing stronger every morning. One day, Viktor wouldn’t need help anymore, but he preferred to have Yuuri with him. Just close by so that if Viktor fell again, he knew that Yuuri would be there to help him get up.

  


When Yuuri unlocked the door and stepped past the threshold, Viktor looked up from his spot by the window. A bit dazed, half of a yawn hanging from his lips before a smile shook it off. If Viktor was still a mer, his tail would’ve been wagging back and forth, and water would be all over the floor because his tail would flail in excitement. Instead, Viktor wrapped his arms around Yuuri’s waist and rubbed his face against the front of Yuuri’s jacket.

Viktor closed his eyes and breathed in Yuuri’s scent. “Welcome home, Yuuri.”

Yuuri ran his fingers through Viktor’s hair. “It’s good to be back, Viktor.”

That was probably the closest _‘I love you’_ Yuuri had ever said in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired from a conversation I had with someone I'm close to. She likes to tell me "I love you", so we had a talk about different ways to say the phrase so that it feels special and more personal. That's something to think about.


End file.
